Confusion

I am currently confused as to which decision shall I make. I'm in the middle of two different minds and it's tormenting me. The mind of my parents and my own mind. We might have some similarities but of course I am not them. I'm not a clone of their whole being therefore I have my own unique mind. I have my own thinking, decision, and values.

They would always confuse me. Whenever I try to argue my point of view, they will direct the discussion to their own point of view. They are absolute. Then when the worst comes, they would say that I should have explained to them. I tried, but they simply did not care or maybe did not understand. So most of the time, I will just stay silent and display a face void of any emotion. Even when they are already angry or mocking me.

I'm not saying that they are purely bad, they're good parents, just with a flaw, like everyone of us. It's just hard to deal with their flaws sometimes. Especially with someone like me who have my own rules. I break their rules you know.

We've been through a lot. I've been through a lot of confusions. As of now, my confusion is whether to work and support my family's needs as well as earn money for my enrollment next semester, or, go for the on-the-job training (OJT) next sem. My parents say I should work then leave the work when my OJT comes up. I'll be having my OJT in a couple of months. I cannot just leave the work, it has a contract of course, and the minimum stay is 5 months. I cannot juggle between work and OJT (I also have my second and last thesis next sem too!), I'm not some mutant or hero or whatever.

The job interview will be tomorrow. I don't know if I would really go.

Especially now that the defense for my first thesis is coming up (this week).

It's confusing. They even got mad when I told them I would like to back out from the job interview. I've already spent money for the medical exam for that job.

Haah.